Harry and Toi – Toi 4

Harry and Toi

Toi 4

* * *

Toiliúil and her dad spent the cab ride home not talking, just snuggling. They both knew what was coming when they got home, and each was deep in contemplation of that.

They didn’t rush into the apartment once they’d been dropped off on the street outside.

As the apartment door finally closed behind Harry, Toi turned to him and walked slowly forward. “Here I come.” She bit her lip, a nervousness in her dwarfing the one she felt back at the train station. If Harry stopped her, or pushed her away…

He didn’t.

Her daddy gathered her in his arms. Then they were facing each other, eye-to-eye like bedded lovers, and it was too late to stop.

Though she had only ever had one other kiss technically, Toi had the memories of countless kisses, of countless lovers. That kiss in the hall with her father was the better than any of them.

As their tongues gently wrestled, his hands slid from her waist to her arse and cupped each cheek.

She sighed into his mouth.

A momentary hesitation, and he was squeezing them, pulling her closer.

She could feel Dad’s erection against her pelvic bone. She swiveled her hips up and down against it, moaning, her tongue darting in and out in time to her motions.

Her hands, initially around his neck came back to grip his hair, angling his head to allow better penetration of his tongue. Her pussy tingled at his responding moans.

Dad stopped it, finally. “The hallway isn’t the best place for this.”

“Come on.” Toi took his hand and led him into the living room. As much as it frustrated her, she meant to honour his wish that they have a serious talk before committing to anything.

He sat close, facing her. Their knees were the only physical contact they had, now.

She began it. “You’re bothered by this.” Her hand over his began to caress it. She made it affectionate, but nothing more, “by the idea of us becoming lovers. Please, Dad.” Her eyes locked on his. “I need to know what you’re feeling. Tell me.” She heard the pleading in her tone and cursed herself for it.

“I love you, Toi,” he began. “‘Love’ is just a word and I find it pitifully inadequate to describe what I feel. I never thought I’d ever feel something this strong. It’s…” he cleared his throat, looking down for a second. “It’s not something I was prepared for. I care more about you than I do my own life. This has never happened to me before.” Again, a pause, but he didn’t look away. “All this is a way of saying I’m so very afraid of hurting you.” His free hand cupped her cheek. Her heart leapt. Pressing her face against his palm, she barely resisted the urge to purr. “Once we do this, we can’t take it back.” What? Why would he ever want to? “I’m afraid. I’m afraid one day, one of us will wish we could.”

Toi was dry eyed still, but her heart was in her throat. ‘No, no, no, no…!’  over and over in her head. She did not recognize the dead flat voice as hers. “‘One of us’ ?”

“You. I’m afraid you’ll eventually realize that this was a mistake. If one day, you accused me of taking advantage—”

How could he?! How could he be so ignorant of her? They had bonded on the Silvergrey Sea, on the morning of her birth. He must feel that, as she did. How could he not? No. She was not fooling herself. That bond was real; she could feel it even now. She would die before feeling anything but passionate love for him. That could only mean one thing.

Toi placed a finger on her father’s lips. Her voice trembled as she said, “You don’t believe that. You’re afraid you will regret it, aren’t you. Please, Dad. If you really love me, I need the truth.” His face began to blur as tears filled her eyes. Her heart was leaden in her chest.

His voice, when he spoke, was of a man already dead. It must have been so hard for him, but he kept his eyes on her. “I’ve lived a hard life, sweetheart, and I’m on the downward slope of it. I don’t have a lot of years left. I’ve done terrible, selfish things; things I wish with all my battered heart I could take back. You haven’t lived long enough to know how much regret can hurt.” I’ve lived a million lives, Daddy! Why don’t you know that! “When I think of you, your youth and its promise, wasted caring for an old man—”

Again, she silenced him, but with both hands this time. He looked unmoved by her despair. Truly, it was as if he were already dead.

Once she had him quiet, she fairly flew into him, knocking him back, and grinding her mouth on his. He held her tight and kissed her back, like one hungry for life. It was heavenly, but Toi was in hell.

She was lying partly on top of him. She pulled away, panting from a pain she could no longer hope to contain. It was worse than her most paranoid fear.

Her voice was choking on her feelings, but she was sure she was clear enough. “I will not force you, father.”

His face below hers was a smeared blur, but she saw the crack in his dead expression. Her words had hurt him. ‘Good,’ an ugly, petty part of her said.

Her tears falling on dad’s face, she continued, restraining her sobs as best she could, “I won’t let you do something for my sake that will hurt you.” Anger mastered her then. “But I will never be with anyone else, because no one else is you!”

She roughly pushed herself off him and fled the room.

Wanting to slam the bedroom door, made herself close it gently. She did not lock it. Hopeless fool that she was, Toi believed there was a still chance Harry might come to his wilful daughter, to his Toiliúil, in the night.

Sleep, she knew, would be a stranger to her now. She stripped to her skin and fell on the covers, weeping quietly for the death of her love.

—Gideon Jagged
Innsmouth, November 2026

© Gideon Jagged
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